Calling Myself a Super-Dud

What does it take to be a dud all through your life? I know that I am not a dud, but sometimes I am drawn to believe that yes I am one. Keeping on repeating same errors that compound your irrationality and fickle-mindedness, well that makes one a dud, time and again, I am also on a road to make myself a super-dud. I am referring to the errors and common mistakes that I keep on committing despite my cross checking and verifications, my mind refuses to acknowledge the mistakes that I commit, or may be I am a way too bad as far as committing errors is concerned. It is sometimes frustrating and often humiliating to see yourself committing the same kind of errors and giving others a chance to lampoon you and your capabilities. I keep on asking myself... Why can’t I be flawless… or at least understand the complexities of work. This ruthless corporate life can be sometimes be too frustrating.

Uff… I feel like banging my head against a wall when I hear such sarcastic remarks that what have you done, this is not to be done in this way. Or, Are u crazy, how can u make such a mistake, what if it goes like this to client? And I am heartbroken. I don’t know how to handle things in a scenario as this. But I will go on, I can’t be an escapist. I have to learn to take the challenges of this circumstance and handle it in a very mature manner. It’s not happening. But can I endure the agony? I know not. This feels like a deep dungeon which leaves me with no respite but to face the situation by gathering all the heap of ridicule and humiliation.

But… this is brutal… Suddenly I am reminded of a famous ghazal of Asadullah Khan Ghalib which is apt for a situation that I am in-

Dil he toh hai na sang-o-Khasht, Dard say bhar na aye kyun,
Royengay hum hazar baar, koi humein sataye kyun...

Dair nahein, Harum nahein, Dar nahein, Aastann nahein,
Bethay hain rehguzar pay hum, koi humein uthaye kyun...

Qaid-e-Hayat-o-Band-e-Ghum asl mein donon ek hain,
Maut say pehlay aadmi ghum say nijaat paye kyun...?

Ghalib-e-Khasta k baghair kaun say kaam band hain,
Roiyeh zaar zaar kya, Kijiyeh haye haye kyun...?