I guess nothing can change realities but we create various justifications or facades to masque the truth. I am happy but I cannot manage the way it is going on since so long. I can sense that I am moving away from myself in the sense that I maiden self(that I loved so much and I fancy being that all the time)has been overpowered by my married self. It isn't very horrible to be frank but experiencing emotional difficulties is something that I cannot handle. I don't think that I have been able to come closer to that family( though overtly it really looks that I am) or I am too crabby that ways. I would not let them to come near I really don't want that family to. I tend to observe and study the other person before letting out my feelings and If I notice even a minuscule stiffness in the attitude and behaviour of the other person, I give up. That has what preciously happened in the case of my in laws.

They want me to be puppet who is meant to come up their expectations, even if is not a crude as it seems to be.I have my feelings and my life that feels choked and suffocated sometimes because I can't be what they think I would become. and my parents... They wanted to get rid of me so badly, when I wanted just to Be their daughter. they hushed me by saying that I would always be one. But I could sense the truth that is coming so heavily on me now. When they want me to be their daughter, It couldn't be the way it they think that it would. My both worlds are colliding with each other.

My brother is getting engaged, but I will not be able to participate the way I fancied in my childhood.Because of my new family, ?They expect that I should stick to them, confide in them and just ,maintain a very formal relation with my parents. I am sorry, but It is not what I can do. I am having problems in it. yes I out rightly reject the idea. Interference is another point that I cannot tolerate because I believe in giving myself some space because it is what I have learnt in my family. We love each other but NEVER EVER INTERFERE.And my husband and in-laws think that it is probably I don't love them. But I can't say this to them

My parents have asked me to come and my in laws will expect that I and V will obviously go to them for a holiday.But my family wants me for the function that I only will be able to attend as a guest.Not more than that. Because now I am but a guest and not the family. That's what they got me married for.It may be a simple thing for many but not for me.

My in-laws and my parents live nearby( probably 50-55) mins drive so the whole hassle comes in picture.
My parents have simply instructed me not to discuss the bethrotal to my in laws. Now what should I do?


HUSBAND is a mama's boy and I have no problems with that.In fact I adore him for his love for his family. But never supports me, he Will only go when his parents will ask him. And obviously, I will also have to seek a permission from them to visit my parents(that's miserable and frustrating). He never asks for a permission to visit his parents then why should I ask for it? He never speak to my parents on phone and I always do that( my duty you see). He loves me. But hates my people for they give me gifts all the time that he doesn't approve of. EGO you see.He doesn't like my family and tells me that all the follies that my family has. About his family. He has all the praise. I never retaliate because I don't want to hurt him the way for he will feel the same thing that I feel( I will hate that).

These things are always going on in my mind and make me feel weary.I feel that I am alone, none can support me and come to rescue me.That I have realised quite late in my life. Only, Lord can come and intervene and help me.